P: Let’s Watch This Baseball Game on TV.
By: Dylan Wood
Baseball is such a fun sport. I know it takes four hours, but it’s all so action packed. I think I’ll turn on the TV just to see how those Cubs are doing. (You know their record is 17-17? They only have 128 games to get over a .500 winning percentage. Can they do it? Make sure you catch every game at 10:00 a.m. on a weekday to find out.) Oh, look. The batter almost hit the ball, but he actually didn’t though. No way. The pitcher is going to throw another pitch. He’s gripping the ball, looking at the catcher and nodding to the signal. Oh, wait – nevermind – the batter wants a timeout. That’s completely understandable because he needs to manhandle his groin and then redo every single piece of velcro on his body. I like how every article of clothing on his body is filled with it.
Boy, there’s nothing like live baseball.
CP: Let’s Fucking Not
By: Anybody Else
Hand me the remote.