WESTWOOD — Stating he felt “extreme terror” and “penetrating feelings of fear,” third year sociology major Jason Schwartz claims to have found a hollow glass object of unknown function in the room of Stacy Harmond, with whom he shares his apartment. “I found it when I was looking for my bong and holy shit, what is it? Why is it spiked like that? Can she fit that in her… uh… anywhere?” Schwartz’s fear is allegedly caused by his lack of understanding. “How does it work? Is it both? How would you even… is that safe?” At press time, Harmond has arrived home and is wondering if Schwartz has seen her “funny dragon sculpture.”
