Op-Ed: That Bucket Hat Looks Really Amazing On You

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__jens_a_college_girl_now___by_lucius_inusonThat bucket hat looks really amazing on you. And the little string you use to fasten it around your neck—what is that called, the neck strap? Oh, right, ha-ha—ugh, just kill me. It looks incredible.

To be honest I can’t really get over the fabric, either. Would you call that a cargo fabric? I love the way it’s got little fishes on it. Little blue fishes on a white background, the occasional orange fish to spice things up. Mmph. I love it.

And stop me if I’m getting weird here, but the shape of the hat really compliments the shape of your head. It’s like a nice egg, encased in an even nicer cardboard egg carton. You’re the egg, of course. And your hat isn’t cardboard. But you know what I mean.

Holy shit, wait, is it Pac Sun? Does the tag really say Pac Sun? Dude, that’s incredible! Pac Sun makes some high quality shit. Like, this one time, I got a watch from there—and they don’t even usually make watches—and that fucker is still ticking. Man, I love Pac Sun. Almost as much as I love your bucket hat.

We should start a club, you know, a club on campus that organizes itself around bucket hats. We could be the Buck-sketeers or something. I’d be down. I’d be so down. Almost as down as I am about your hat.
Anyways, I’ll catch you later. I’m on my way to a meeting for the Ants Against Malaria Coalition. But I can’t wait to see you tonight! Don’t forget to bring your bucket hat! 😉