“He’s Cuter In Person,” And Other Lies To Tell Your Friends About Him

Girly, we’ve all been there. You start talking to a new guy and you’re eager to gab with your girlfriends about this new potential mans in your life! Why pass the Bechdel test when boys are so cute? But uh oh! Your bestie asks to see his Instagram… Do you show her his feed, ridden with fishing photos and pictures of him and his soccer team from 2017? It’s too late now, they’re all watching you scroll through his feed- there’s no way to gatekeep, gaslight, or girlboss your way out of this one! Nevertheless, she persisted: here’s a list of lies to tell the girlies to impress them about your latest boy toy.

1. “He’s Cuter in Person”

No, he’s not! But they don’t need to know that he’s a total uggo. It’s his sense of humor (i.e. asking to play the Penis Game during your first date) that made you fall for him in the first place! Just go to his tagged photos, find the least bad photo of him, and pray they don’t keep scrolling.

2. “We Met Through a Mutual Friend”

No one has to know that you swiped right on someone who put “just looking for the Pam to my Jim” on their Tinder profile. If they ask who your mutual friend is, just tell them she goes to a different school and they probably wouldn’t know her.

3. “We’re Keeping It Casual Right Now”

Since when has stalking someone on Instagram, Twitter, Linkedin, Spotify, Venmo, Zillow, Letterboxd, Goodreads, and BruinLearn been deemed “casual?” But anyway, we digress. Just be sure to clear your search history before spilling the hot goss with your girly pops.

4. “I Think He Could Be The One”

This one’s a lie you tell yourself and your friends! We don’t mean to be harsh; maybe you genuinely think he is? That’s adorable. But wrong… and stupid. You’re so young, with so much life to live. Trust us, the dating pool has much more to offer than a man who reposts football stats and Drake lyrics on his story instead of responding to your texts. Dump him, sis!

About Hanna Barlow 16 Articles
Hanna Barlow is this many (she is holding up 21 fingers right now)