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From “Ick” To “Sick”: The Guy You Were Planning On Ghosting Just Gave You Chlamydia

November 9, 2022 Idil Çenberci 0

WESTWOOD — Second-year communications major and amateur juggler Mike Rowe Dong is reported to have given you chlamydia after a night of passionless sex. Your […]

In Her Flop Era? This Woman Has No Bones

July 22, 2022 Hanna Barlow 0

LOS ANGELES — Lifestyle content creator Emily Nariko announced on Instagram last week that, following the mysterious disappearance of all of her bones, she is […]

iOS Update Includes Separate Notes App For Social Media Apologies

July 15, 2022 Dylan Wood 0

CUPERTINO — With the rollout of the iOS 16 beta underway, iPhone users may be surprised to find a new addition to their home screens: […]

“He’s Cuter In Person,” And Other Lies To Tell Your Friends About Him

February 1, 2022 Hanna Barlow 0

Girly, we’ve all been there. You start talking to a new guy and you’re eager to gab with your girlfriends about this new potential mans […]

Facebook Announces Name Change, Now “The Facebook” Again

October 28, 2021 Dylan Wood 0

MENLO PARK, CA — The conglomerate formerly known as Facebook, Inc. announced Thursday that it would be changing its company name back to “The Facebook”. […]

Instagram Blacks Out After Roebling Block Party

October 5, 2021 Kylie Yamada 0

WESTWOOD — Millions were inconvenienced when Instagram drank excessively at the Roebling Block Party and was unable to come into work the following Monday. “Every […]

BREAKING: Grandma Downloaded TikTok

October 19, 2020 Jade Lacy 0

DALLAS — Local senior citizen Dolly Berkshire amassed one million followers on TikTok Friday morning, a milestone she has been approaching since her video dancing […]

Feminist Hero Comments “OMG!!!” On Female Acquaintance’s Instagram Photo

January 22, 2020 Mackenzi Elias 0

LOS ANGELES — In the name of advancing women’s equality, feminist hero Serena Colli commented “OMG!!!” on a female acquaintance’s photo. “I don’t even know […]

Area Woman Pleased With Number of Likes on Post About Social Media Cleanse

February 27, 2018 Anya Bayerle 0

LOS ANGELES — Amateur photographer Amber Allman was pleasantly surprised at the number of likes she received on her latest Instagram post declaring her indefinite […]

UCLA Secrets Used To Uncover Double Homicide

April 30, 2014 Jessica Waite 0

WESTWOOD – The UCPD has announced that the latest piece of evidence in their double-homicide case was revealed through “UCLA Secrets”, a Facebook page operated […]

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