Cal Develops Vaccine, Still Fails To Secure #1 Spot

BERKELEY — Researchers at the University of California, Berkeley developed a vaccine for the viral Covid-19 at 11 a.m. on Monday, and yet the university still ranks #2 of public universities in the country. “We hoped ending a global pandemic would be the push we needed to surpass UCLA,” explained researcher Shiloh Bojkweski, throwing darts at a dartboard with the UCLA logo taped on. “We’ve already started working on curing cancer, but I don’t know I guess we didn’t invent the internet or whatever.” The researchers at both UCLA and Cal agreed that UCSB would have to at least end global warming to even crack the top 5.

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Maxwell "Rough n Tumble" "Go Buy Me Some Vegan Snacks" Geronimo "Geronimo" Flora wastes a lot of time on this publication.