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Month: March 2018

Submission: Regarding David Hogg’s Admission

March 29, 2018 Gary A. Clark, Jr. 0

Dear David: After careful review of your application for admission, we regret to inform you that we are not able to offer you admission for […]

North Campus T.A. Growing Out Gross Beard

March 28, 2018 Kylie Kinne 0

WESTWOOD — Philosophy 100A TA Mark Isaacs announced this week that he would be growing out a gross beard in the coming quarter. “As I […]

Words of Prophets Discovered On “Bitch Problems” Twitter Account

March 28, 2018 Jack Lyons 0

TWITTER.COM — Theological scholars this past week discovered fully intact prophetic scripture in the annals of a Twitter account with the handle “Bitch Problems.” “You need […]

Submission: Gelato Way Better Over There

March 28, 2018 Friend Who Studied Abroad 0

Hi there! It’s me, your friend who studied abroad in Rome over Winter Quarter. Listen, I don’t want to sound like a cliché, but Study […]

Local Roommate’s Tinder No Longer Ironic

March 26, 2018 Nathan Glovinsky 0

WESTWOOD — Earlier this week, area woman Becca Corkin officially changed her stance on the nature of her roommate’s Tinder usage. “I think it started off […]

Area Woman Unsure If Man Cute Or If She Just Bored

March 26, 2018 Alex Kukoff 0

WESTWOOD — Sources close to the scene report that area woman Bethany Watson is having a difficult time deciding if her male friend is cute or […]

Report: Dishes Still There

March 26, 2018 Nathan Glovinsky 0

WESTWOOD — According to a recent scientific study published by your roommates, findings verified that your dishes are still there. “After observing empirical data and […]

Plane Crashes After Man Forgets To Enable Airplane Mode

March 26, 2018 Matt Moldenhauer 0

NEW YORK — The Federal Aviation Administration released a press statement this morning, divulging that the Boeing 747 that crashed shortly after departing JFK International Airport […]

Dumb Opinion Definitely Not Worth Discussion Points

March 26, 2018 Alex Kukoff 0

WESTWOOD — After careful study, researchers at the University of California, Los Angeles have determined that expressing your dumb opinion is definitely not worth the discussion […]

So Cute! When This High Schooler Didn’t Have A Date To Prom, Her Best Friend’s Dad Offered to Spend the Night with Her in His Basement Instead!

March 26, 2018 Alex Kukoff 0

CLEVELAND, OH — Prom can be a super sad, stressful time for high-schoolers who don’t have dates. But when senior Becca Martin found herself without a […]

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