UCLA Student Not Photographer But Does Have iPhone With Portrait Mode
WESTWOOD — Recent reports from the “UCLA Free & For Sale” Facebook page have indicated that third-year student Liz Samuels did not consider herself a photographer […]
Articles by Matt Moldenhauer
Op-Ed: I Took Ambien And Woke Up At a KKK Rally
As a god-fearing woman, I have never participated in the dangerous activity of binge drinking. My friends would always tell me how much they forgot […]
Plane Crashes After Man Forgets To Enable Airplane Mode
NEW YORK — The Federal Aviation Administration released a press statement this morning, divulging that the Boeing 747 that crashed shortly after departing JFK International Airport […]
Louis C.K. Gay Now
NEW YORK — In light of recent allegations of sexual harassing multiple women, comedian Louis C.K. has announced he is actually gay via a press […]
Wow! Here’s All The UC Campuses But We Didn’t Rank Them Or Anything
1. The first UC campus that came to mind, but not because we think it’s the better than the others or anything, is UC Irvine. […]
CEC Pledges To Figure Out How To Properly Distribute Tickets By 2020
WESTWOOD — In a statement released by the UCLA Campus Events Commission (CEC), the office’s Commissioner recognized the failure of the organization to properly distribute […]
Study: Sunburn Suggests White Privilege Doesn’t Exist
TUSCALOOSA—Researchers at the University of Alabama have concluded, after extensive research on sunburn, that white privilege currently doesn’t exist and most likely has never existed […]
Point: It’s Cute How We Keep Making Eye Contact! / Counterpoint: Stop Looking At Me, You Fucking Creep
Point: It’s Cute How We Keep Making Eye Contact! By: Ashley Davis Hey! I definitely keep noticing you looking over here in lecture, you’re not […]
New Kid Doesn’t Have Any Obvious Flaws To Pick Apart, Says School Bully
SANTA MONICA—Sources reported that local high school bully Sam Daniels was overheard this past Friday expressing his disappointment over the new kid having no obvious […]
Freshman’s Sex Playlist Just The Weeknd
WESTWOOD—Sources report that freshman Brian Clements has finished up curating his sex playlist consisting solely of songs by popular R&B artist, The Weeknd. “He has […]