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Articles by Matt Moldenhauer

Report: Velma Lost Her Glasses In Rocco’s

June 14, 2019 Matt Moldenhauer 0

WESTWOOD — UCPD has reported that Velma Dinkley, a member of the crime solving group Mystery Inc., filed a police report claiming that she lost […]

BREAKING: Westwood Enabler Writers Are Going On Strike

April 10, 2019 The Westwood Enabler Editorial Board 0

To the Associated Students UCLA Communications Board, Jacob Preal, Abigail Goldman, Doria Deen and the readers of the Westwood Enabler, We, the undersigned, are writing […]

UCLA Student Not Photographer But Does Have iPhone With Portrait Mode

November 26, 2018 Matt Moldenhauer 0

WESTWOOD — Recent reports from the “UCLA Free & For Sale” Facebook page have indicated that third-year student Liz Samuels did not consider herself a photographer […]

Op-Ed: I Took Ambien And Woke Up At a KKK Rally

June 5, 2018 Linda Johnson 0

As a god-fearing woman, I have never participated in the dangerous activity of binge drinking. My friends would always tell me how much they forgot […]

Plane Crashes After Man Forgets To Enable Airplane Mode

March 26, 2018 Matt Moldenhauer 0

NEW YORK — The Federal Aviation Administration released a press statement this morning, divulging that the Boeing 747 that crashed shortly after departing JFK International Airport […]

Louis C.K. Gay Now

November 9, 2017 Matt Moldenhauer 0

NEW YORK — In light of recent allegations of sexual harassing multiple women, comedian Louis C.K. has announced he is actually gay via a press […]

Wow! Here’s All The UC Campuses But We Didn’t Rank Them Or Anything

November 2, 2017 Matt Moldenhauer 0

1. The first UC campus that came to mind, but not because we think it’s the better than the others or anything, is UC Irvine. […]

CEC Pledges To Figure Out How To Properly Distribute Tickets By 2020

September 13, 2017 Matt Moldenhauer 0

WESTWOOD — In a statement released by the UCLA Campus Events Commission (CEC), the office’s Commissioner recognized the failure of the organization to properly distribute […]

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Study: Sunburn Suggests White Privilege Doesn’t Exist

June 10, 2017 Matt Moldenhauer 0

TUSCALOOSA—Researchers at the University of Alabama have concluded, after extensive research on sunburn, that white privilege currently doesn’t exist and most likely has never existed […]

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Point: It’s Cute How We Keep Making Eye Contact! / Counterpoint: Stop Looking At Me, You Fucking Creep

May 20, 2017 Matt Moldenhauer 0

Point: It’s Cute How We Keep Making Eye Contact! By: Ashley Davis Hey! I definitely keep noticing you looking over here in lecture, you’re not […]

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