Op-Ed: I Took Ambien And Woke Up At a KKK Rally

By , in Community Opinion on .

As a god-fearing woman, I have never participated in the dangerous activity of binge drinking. My friends would always tell me how much they forgot of the previous night after extensive consumption of alcohol, ‘blacking out’ as they would brag, but not I. I studied the word of the Lord, and only engaged in the purest of activities. However, just the other evening, I perhaps experienced my first blackout, not because of alcohol, dear Lord no, but after my nightly Ambien I woke no more than a few hours later at a clandestine Ku Klux Klan rally.

Sure, I had a glass of wine at dinner, but that is not unique to this night in particular. When I awoke, I truly couldn’t believe the mass of people around me, head to toe in white with tall, pointy caps and flowing white robes. I then realized that I was in a robe myself, to think that someone dressed me while I was asleep dismays me terribly. And somehow they knew my initials, which were embroidered into the collar. Was I kidnapped? It seemed like there was no other way to explain it, I know my way around a sewing machine, and surely they must have preemptively put my initials on it. I want to make it clear I never planned to end up here, as a mother I would never put my children in danger by associating with such a group.

I try and do the best things for my kids. I send them to a charter school so they don’t have to attend the school in the urban part of town, which is in a more dangerous area. I should know, I work nearby and I am constantly on the phone reporting suspicious activity. Delinquents are alway loitering at the shopping center across the street from where I work. Possible gang activity makes me nervous. I really think that adding a Starbucks in would really help shape the area up.

Back at the rally, they began chanting strange incantations, and somehow I knew what to say, it was like I was forced to recite the words coming from my mouth. They must have brainwashed me while I was asleep! I hope to dispel any rumors if anyone saw me that night, I would never choose to partake in such activities on my own will. I certainly would not be in such an openly racist organization!