The Westwood Enabler
  • Home
  • News
    • Campus
    • National
    • International
  • Opinion
  • A&E
  • Sports
  • Graphics
    • News In Pictures
    • Infographics
  • Life
  • About
    • Staff
    • Join
    • Contact

Month: March 2016

No Picture

Study: Water Best Served Lukewarm

March 6, 2016 Jessica Waite 0

NEW YORK – A recent analytical study performed by New York University has revealed that water is best served at the body temperature of your […]

African Warlord Offers 20% Discount on Water

March 6, 2016 Hans Oberschelp 0

UGANDA — Charles Masane, leader of the Righteous Liberation Army announced in a press release this morning that water will be discounted 20% this weekend […]

No Picture

Westwood Stores Sell Out Of Useless Shit

March 6, 2016 Hans Oberschelp 0

WESTWOOD—Charlotte’s Boutique, a store in Westwood, sold out of its entire stock of useless shit, sources confirm. The store, established in 2009, is frequented by […]

No Picture

Whaling Protesters Amazed By How Tasty Whale Is

March 6, 2016 Hans Oberschelp 0

TOKYO — Protesters at the Japanese Cultural Cuisine Association’s annual food sampling last Thursday were shocked to learn that the animal they were fighting to […]

No Picture

Request For Water Cup Denied

March 6, 2016 Nathan Glovinsky 0

HOUSTON—Upon ordering a No. 3 combo meal at a local Wendy’s, area man Greg Myers was shocked when his polite request for “a small cup […]

Study: No One Asked for Daily Bruin’s Opinion

March 6, 2016 Nathan Glovinsky 0

WESTWOOD— In a recently-published study conducted by the University of California’s Data Glossary Analysis Forum (DGAF), 0% of undergraduate students enrolled at the Los Angeles […]

Op-Ed: As Your Diary, I Want You To Know You Disgust Me

March 6, 2016 Diary 0

Dear Rachel, You’re filthy. The secrets you’ve poured into me send shivers down my spine. I ache for the day a prying friend of yours […]

No Picture

POINT: We Should Colonize Mars / COUNTERPOINT: Post-Colonial Literature Is Terrible

March 6, 2016 Kushal Chatterjee 0

Point We Should Colonize Mars By: Arthur Von Clarksburg Space is the final frontier. Much has been said about our distant horizon, the great manifest […]

Study: Trigger Warnings Are Totally Gay

March 6, 2016 Kushal Chatterjee 0

ANN ARBOR, MI—After years of intensive research, the International Forum on Trigger Warnings (IFTW) have concluded their work, and have definitively stated that trigger warnings […]

John Wooden Finally Peels Off Bronze Body Paint And Leaves Pauley Pavilion

March 6, 2016 Jasmine Don 0

WESTWOOD—After standing motionless on a pedestal in front of Pauley Pavilion for over three years, legendary basketball coach John Wooden finally removed his bronze body […]

Posts navigation

1 2 »

Search

Featured Authors

mm
Gillian Smith
  • Weird! Student Goes To Law School Without Exhausting Other Options First
  • Unemployable Student Goes To Grad School
  • Republicans Propose “No Child Left Unshot” Plan

RECOMMENDED

  • Trend Watch! Places In Los Angeles Everyone Should Projectile Vomit At Least Once

    May 3, 2023 0
  • Guy Holding Gene Block’s Voodoo Doll Ups Athletics Budget Again

    May 2, 2023 0
  • Opinion: I’m 🅿️aying 5 GRANDS to the first 7 ppl to Mesage me right now “moneY” 📈💸💪💯❤️

    May 1, 2023 0
  • White House Establishes Federal Holiday Honoring The Girls Trip Making It Out Of The Group Chat

    April 28, 2023 0
  • Fox News Countersues Dominion For Being Big, Fat Meanies

    April 27, 2023 0
FOLLOW US
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram
  • LinkedIn
ARCHIVES

Copyright © 2023 | WordPress Theme by MH Themes