NEW YORK – A recent analytical study performed by New York University has revealed that water is best served at the body temperature of your friend Luke. “Luke’s a good guy, and the inside of his anus is the exact temperature at which water is tastiest,” said Dr. George Numenbach, who directed the analysis. “The molecules will move at just the right temperature to align with your tastebuds and send you straight to a hydrated heaven. Research indicates that the electrons in the outer shells of the hydrogen atoms’ orbitals actually mingle with the electrons on your tongue, defying science and making you a part of the water as much as the water is of you.” Numenbach recommends that if anyone does not have a friend named Luke, they should make one with great haste.
About Jessica Waite 41 Articles
Jessica Waite is a 4th year Comparative Literature student who spends more time with her hamster than with other people. Her interests include animals (all), people (few), and social justice (80%).