South Campus Runs Military Training Exercises Near North Campus Border
WESTWOOD—Declaring that South Campus is the only true campus, members of the South Campus Confederation ran military training exercises near the North Campus border on […]
UCLA
Chancellor Officially Announces Campus Theme As ‘Bricks’
WESTWOOD—Drawing intrigue on the part of staff and students alike, Chancellor Gene Block officially announced UCLA’s new theme for the 2015-2016 school year as ‘Bricks’. […]
Classes Canceled Due To National Give-A-Fuck Shortage
LOS ANGELES — Despite the continuation of the scholastic quarter at UCLA and other moderately impressive learning institutions, the Federal Bureau of Education has announced […]
4 Students Found Dead In Deep Recesses of Library Stacks
WESTWOOD—In what began as a potential footnote on an extra credit paper for the course HIST151P, History of Scottish Paedophilia, 3rd year Communications major Lou […]
Parkour Club Submits Request To Move Buildings Closer Together
WESTWOOD—Noting the present difficulty in performing cross-building vaults, badass flips, roof-to-roof diving rolls and miscellaneous leaps, UCLA’s parkour club submitted a petition today demanding that […]
Students Disappointed At Enormous Activities Fair’s Lack Of Enormous Activities
WESTWOOD—“I’ve never felt so bitterly disappointed in my life,” said freshman Emily Offshore. Like many others, Offshore visited UCLA’s Enormous Activities Fair (EAF) to view the […]
Murphy Sculpture Garden Sculptures Arrested for Indecent Exposure
WESTWOOD, CA – The UCLA Police Department arrested over a dozen sculptures in the Franklin D. Murphy Sculpture Garden Sunday on charges of indecent exposure. […]
Alanis Morissette Finally Catches Up On Word Of The Day Calendar
WESTWOOD, CA — 7 time Grammy Award-winning alt-rocker Alanis Morissette revealed to reporters late Friday night that the backlog of words created from falling behind […]
Spring Sing Mix Up Leads To Choreographed Hostage Situation
WESTWOOD — The much anticipated seasonal jubilee known as Spring Sing saw an impressive number of attendants as expected yesterday evening, though the otherwise exuberant […]
UC Spring Break To Be Shortened By One Week In Observance Of Jewish Holiday
OAKLAND, CA – The University of California academic calendar underwent further modification Monday after UC officials announced the shortening of spring break for the 2014-2015 […]