PASADENA — As Penn State’s Nittany Lions prepare to play the Bruins this Saturday, recent reports from the top experts at FanDuel Sportsbook have revealed a gruesome score prediction: 22 dead, 83 injured. “From dust you came and to dust you shall return. Every man will perish upon this field. No UCLA starter shall survive this battle. I am the merciful hand of God and I will deliver His will!” shouted Penn State Coach James Franklin in his pregame huddle, who has repeatedly insinuated that Nico Iamaleava is the antichrist. “Do not bring women or children to this game. All will be destroyed, all will be lost. A thousand generations of destruction have been cursed upon the Bruins.” At press time, UCLA Interim Coach Tim Skipper promised a pizza party to the team if they won the game.
