Tom Brady Taking Gap Year
TAMPA — After 22 years in the NFL, veteran quarterback Tom Brady has announced that he will be leaving the game of football. “I don’t […]
football
UCLA Threatens To Leak Social Security Numbers If USC Wins (On Purpose This Time)
WESTWOOD — In a joint statement released today, Chip Kelly, Martin Jarmond, and Gene Block threatened to purposefully leak the entire UCLA student body’s social […]
“I Do My Own Research,” Says Aaron Rodgers On Why He Never Wins In Playoffs
GREEN BAY — Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers expressed in a recent interview that, similar to his stances on masks and the COVID-19 vaccines, he also […]
Tom Brady Does Football Good
TAMPA, FL — After emerging victorious in this year’s Super Bowl, it has become apparent to the sports world that Tom Brady does football really […]
NFL Plans To Quarantine COVID Positive Players In Team Facilities
NEW YORK — In a statement on Monday, National Football League Commissioner Roger Goodell announced new COVID-19 protocols in the aftermath of increased coronavirus cases […]
Huge Football Player Somehow Makes Kids’ Razor Scooter Work
CERRITOS, CA — Physicists have taken to the Razor Scooter headquarters in Cerritos, California earlier this week in an attempt to study the engineering genius […]
BREAKING: Chip Kelly to Retire After One Game Winning Streak
WESTWOOD — After a grueling 46 day-long career, UCLA Head Football Coach Chip Kelly has announced his retirement. “Hey, me and the boys had a […]
Former UCLA Econ Major Forced To Settle For Entry-Level Job With Poor Health Benefits
PHOENIX, AZ — The Enabler recently did a profile on former UCLA economics student Joshua Rosen, who had decided to drop out of UCLA. Unfortunately, […]
Something Happened In Sports
HOUSTON, TX — On Feb. 5, something big happened at a sporting event somewhere involving some athletes and a ball. “Yeah, I just can’t believe […]