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Selfish Asshole Asks For Money Instead Of World Peace For Birthday

November 20, 2016 Kali Croke 0

WESTWOOD–Celebrating his 8th birthday this past week, narcissistic jackass Chad Brownfield neglected to consider thousands of dying individuals across the world when he wished for […]

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Chick-fil-a Challenges Starbucks’ War On Christmas With “Happy Birthday Jesus” Cup

November 20, 2016 Kali Croke 0

ATLANTA–Following outrage over Starbucks’ lack of Christmas imagery on its holiday cup design, Chick-fil-a announced plans to release a seasonal “Happy Birthday Jesus” cup, declaring […]

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UCLA Alum Doing Nothing Particularly Special with Life

November 20, 2016 Kali Croke 0

LOS ANGELES–Since graduating in 2009 with a degree in Applied Mathematics, UCLA alum Jack Hudson has been doing nothing particularly special with his life over […]

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Gold In Them-Thar Hills Actually Iron Sulfide

November 20, 2016 Peter Carman 0

BODIE, CA–The good dwellin’-folk of Bodie, CA, durn had a mighty hell of a shock this week when the fancy learnin’ men in town done […]

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POINT: Police Brutality Is A Systemic Issue That Must Be Addressed / COUNTERPOINT: Have You Seen That Video Of The Cop Giving People Ice Cream Cones?

November 20, 2016 Jack Lyons 0

Point Police Brutality Is A Systemic Issue That Must Be Addressed By: Matt Styles Police Brutality Is A Systemic Issue That Must Be Addressed. Half […]

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Report: Geology Professor Loves A Good Rock

November 20, 2016 Jack Lyons 0

WESTWOOD—Geology professor Dan Boggs remarked in his introductory geology lecture this past Friday that he loves a good rock, according to students in his class. […]

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Trump Announces Plan To Create Safe Spaces For Bigots

November 19, 2016 Kushal Chatterjee 0

NEW YORK, N.Y.—Citing the the cast of Hamilton and their address to Mike Pence last night, Donald Trump today announced his plan to create safe […]

UCLA To Students: If You Donate One Kidney, Donors Will Back 250,000 More

November 16, 2016 Sierra Scott 0

WESTWOOD—Chancellor Gene D. Block announced in a university press release today that if enough students donate one kidney to UCLA for the True Bruin Challenge, […]

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Most Controversial Exam Questions

November 16, 2016 Enabler Staff 0

Ever received a controversial exam question that tiptoed the boundary of acceptable and “hell-no”? Our staff definitely has! Here’s a compilation of real exam questions […]

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Racially Divided Town United By Shared Homophobia

November 15, 2016 Kushal Chatterjee 0

  BACKWATER, AL—Residents of Backwater, a small town in rural Alabama with deep racial divisions, have recently come together to celebrate their shared homophobia. “See, […]

Posts pagination

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  • Friend Who Can’t Drive Way Too Invested In Formula One

    AUSTIN, TX — This weekend, second-year Mechanical Engineering major Diem Vee posted multiple photo dumps of himself trackside at the 2025 United States Grand Prix […]

  • Ask The Enabler: Is It Too Late To Cancel My Den Pass Refund?

    Dear Westwood Enabler, I bought a Den Pass to maximize my time at UCLA and to give my uncle yet another excuse to bet on […]

  • Flakers Anonymous Reports Record Low Attendance

  • Consulting Clubs Consulted On What The Fuck They Actually Do

    WESTWOOD — UCLA’s ten thousand consulting clubs recently came under fire when they were consulted on what their clubs really do besides pose for headshots […]

  • Man With Fragile Ego Sits In Waymo Driver’s Seat

    WESTWOOD — While returning home from a failed driver’s license test, aspiring Cybertruck owner Grant T. Otto broke Waymo’s ‘rider rules’ by climbing into the […]

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