WESTWOOD — Last Tuesday night, what was supposed to be a celebratory evening with unlimited raw bivalves at the least refined dining hall ended in messy horror. “They always tell me, ‘John, play the hits, cook what works.’ But everyone is tired of American classics like Flaming Hot Cheeto Pizza. Why don’t we introduce a taste of luxury to these poor kids? Hence, Oyster Night at De Neve was born,” Menu Director John Eater recalled, mid-slurp of his fifteenth oyster of the night. “Where I got the oysters? Oh yeah, you can just find them for free under the Santa Monica Pier. Cost-conscious and delicious!” At press time, John and all the attendees were found throwing up in De Neve Plaza.