
In-N-Out Burger To Replace Bible Verses On Wrappers With Shakespearean Insults
IRVINE — Billionaire owner and president of In-N-Out Burger, Lynsi Snyder, announced last Thursday that the wholesome Bible verses on their packaging will soon be […]
IRVINE — Billionaire owner and president of In-N-Out Burger, Lynsi Snyder, announced last Thursday that the wholesome Bible verses on their packaging will soon be […]
Sweatshop workers not sweating enough? Don’t sweat it, because the Westwood Enabler has you covered with these original motivational lines! Never tell them that no […]
TUSCANY — Pinocchio, despite his lifelong wish to become a real boy, has announced he rescinds his statement and would like to become a wooden […]
Yesterday, I was walking back to campus after enjoying a delicious $15 salad at Tendergreens when a homeless man looked right into my eyes and […]
WESTWOOD RETIREMENT HOME — Alleged UCLA student Trevor Child unintentionally revealed his true, prehistoric identity this week when he used the antiquated term “Covel” instead […]
NESTLE HEADQUARTERS — After the human rights organization International Rights Advocates filed legal action against Nestle alleging the use of child slave labor, Nestle CEO […]
WESTWOOD — In response to persistent questions about their hiring practices, Duffl has made public their employment qualifications, which include not fearing God. “Our ideal […]
WESTWOOD— With the collapse of Biden’s Build Back Better congressional agenda, the President has sought to deliver on his campaign platform through a proposal sure […]
WESTWOOD — Local amateur chef Miles Thompson has been catapulted into stardom overnight after he correctly eyeballed the proper amount of pasta for two. “Honestly, […]
CHICAGO — Responding to investor pressures to expand its customer base, Suave announced Thursday a new 5-in-1 shampoo, conditioner, body wash, personal lubricant, and meal […]
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