CSO Feeling Rush After Telling Students They Can’t Smoke Weed There
WESTWOOD—UCLA Community Service Officer David Connolly reported that he was feeling quite a rush after he and his team stormed the forests behind Hitch suites […]
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“Thanks For The Spit!” Says Spit Fetishist Outside Trump Rally
RICHMOND, VA—After scouring the Richmond venue for human secretions with a homemade vacuum attached to a large mason jar worn on his back, Clement Augustine […]
Bruin Walk Troll Runs Out Of Riddles, Begins Asking Students If They’re Interested In A Cappella
WESTWOOD—Sources confirmed last Tuesday that the infamous troll of Bruin Walk, Jiles Grumpus, has run out of riddles and begun asking students if they are […]
Google Maps Introduces “Avoid Wilshire” Route Option
LOS ANGELES—Google Maps introduced an update this week that allows drivers to opt for a route that avoids navigation through Wilshire Boulevard. “Originally, we tested […]
Perfect Date Includes Trip To Hammer Museum, Diddy Riese
WESTWOOD– Last Sunday, first year female Stacy Peters was overheard in BPlate discussing her recent date with Brian Andrews, who took her to both the […]
Box Of Condoms Already Collecting Dust
WESTWOOD—After being secretly stashed in the bottom drawer of first-year English student Marvin Reynold’s desk, a box of Trojan condoms is reported to already be […]
Value of Ty Dolla $ign Depreciates After Bruin Bash
WESTWOOD — Following mass circulation of Ty Dolla $igns several weeks ago, Federal Reserve Board Chair Janet Yellen noted a significant decline in the monetary […]
7 Ways To Pretend You’re Productive So Your South Campus Roommate Won’t Hate You
Face it, you are OVER the awkward tension that has formed between you and your roommate. After weeks of ignoring their judgmental glances at the […]
Report: Small Joys Not As Good As Bigger, Better Joys
WESTWOOD—A recent report released by the UCLA Research Institute revealed that small joys are just not as good as bigger, better joys. “To give you […]
Cool Professor Wears Tie-Dye Shirt
WESTWOOD—Physics professor Alexander Grobin walked into class today wearing a tie-dye shirt, instantly cementing his status as the cool professor. “Grobin is just the coolest,” […]