A Guide To Picking The Perfect Halloween Costume
Have you googled “easy halloween costume ideas” for the tenth time today? Are you considering staying home just to avoid coming up with a “cool” […]
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Student Gets Massive Thrill From Not Locking Stall Door While Defecating
WESTWOOD—Having already drawn down his pants and committed to a bowel movement in a public bathroom, Statistics major Steven Chu received a massive thrill when […]
Best Places To Poop On Campus
Ever wondered what the best places to poop on campus were? Here’s an exclusive compilation of our staff’s favorite places! In Gene Block’s private bathroom […]
Study: Everyone At Gym Definitely Staring At You
LOS ANGELES — A newly released study by the UC Center For Sustainable Exercise (UCCSE) confirmed the long-held belief that everyone at the gym is […]
UCLA Sanitation to Powell Bathroom Patrons: “Just Go Hog Wild”
WESTWOOD — UCLA Sanitation told the patrons of the Powell Library restroom to “just go hog wild” in a letter posted Monday morning. “Our facilities […]
Report: Alliteration Almost Always Astonishingly Annoying and Aggravating
WESTWOOD–Astounding an abundance of amazed Anglos, a recent rigorous report related that alliteration is almost always astonishingly annoying and aggravating. “It’s immensely irritating,” said Mathematics […]
Hallmate Wants To Show You His Sick Ass Dorm Setup
WESTWOOD—After lingering in the hallway for a substantial portion of the morning, your hallmate, Sociology major Steven Carlinsky, expressed his desire for you to check […]
CSO Feeling Rush After Telling Students They Can’t Smoke Weed There
WESTWOOD—UCLA Community Service Officer David Connolly reported that he was feeling quite a rush after he and his team stormed the forests behind Hitch suites […]
“Thanks For The Spit!” Says Spit Fetishist Outside Trump Rally
RICHMOND, VA—After scouring the Richmond venue for human secretions with a homemade vacuum attached to a large mason jar worn on his back, Clement Augustine […]
Bruin Walk Troll Runs Out Of Riddles, Begins Asking Students If They’re Interested In A Cappella
WESTWOOD—Sources confirmed last Tuesday that the infamous troll of Bruin Walk, Jiles Grumpus, has run out of riddles and begun asking students if they are […]