Cool Professor Wears Tie-Dye Shirt
WESTWOOD—Physics professor Alexander Grobin walked into class today wearing a tie-dye shirt, instantly cementing his status as the cool professor. “Grobin is just the coolest,” […]
Uncategorized
POINT: Police Brutality Is A Systemic Issue That Must Be Addressed / COUNTERPOINT: Have You Seen That Video Of The Cop Giving People Ice Cream Cones?
Point Police Brutality Is A Systemic Issue That Must Be Addressed By: Matt Styles Half a century after the Civil Rights Movement, black people in this […]
Local Voter Starting To Suspect Trump Might Be Sexist
MINNEAPOLIS—Moments after a widely-publicized tape revealed a 2005 conversation in which Donald Trump boasted about assaulting women, local voter Andy Wilding reported that he was […]
How To Vote In The California Primaries
Voting season got your panties in a bunch? Never fear, The Westwood Enabler is here. Here are our top tips to make sure your vote matters. […]
Cultured Man Likes Shakespeare On Facebook
WESTWOOD—Local cultural elite Arthur Chesterfield was reported to have liked William Shakespeare’s page on Facebook earlier today. “I just really think the English canon would […]
How To Get Into Med School
Getting into med school is no easy task! The following tips are guaranteed to get you into the school of your dreams. Stare intensely at […]
Donald Trump Announces Donald Trump As Running Mate
NEW YORK CITY—Donald Trump announced at a rally this morning that, if nominated, which “[he] might as well have been from the very second [he] […]
Infant Shocked To Learn Objects Permanent
LOS ANGELES—Stunned and completely speechless, three month-year-old infant Andrew Calvert reported experiencing a deep shift in worldview today following the discovery that objects are permanent. […]
Pro-Feast Militia Organizes and Occupies Dining Hall
WESTWOOD—Following UCLA Dining Services’ decision to close residential dining hall Feast on the weekends, a group of students have occupied the dining hall in protest […]
Student Finds Roommate’s Bong Or Dildo, Not Sure Which
WESTWOOD — Stating he felt “extreme terror” and “penetrating feelings of fear,” third year sociology major Jason Schwartz claims to have found a hollow glass […]