Top 8 UCLA Date Ideas
Still not sure how to impress your date on Valentine’s Day? Here are some ideas guaranteed to get you a “that was nice!” text afterwards. […]
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Body Positivity! This 8th Grader Drew Boobs On His Chem Textbook
Despite major strides made by #FreeTheNipple and other gender equality campaigns, the female body is still constantly viewed as a sexual object. Though male and […]
Man Excited By Text Realizes It’s Only BruinAlert Testing
WESTWOOD — Area man Justin Chang received a text on Friday evening while sitting at home and flipping between porn and Netflix, only to realize […]
High School Classmate Discovers Moroccan Food
LOS GATOS, CA—High school classmate Julie Burr discovered Moroccan food earlier this week, sources confirm. “At first I was like wow, this kind of has […]
Young Entrepreneur Really Proud Of Shitty Idea
WESTWOOD — Early this morning, young entrepreneur Brad Bates recently pitched his complete piece of shit business idea to his Finance class and, to the […]
Dreaming Agricultural Science Major Visited By Sagacious Ear Of Corn
COLLEGE STATION, TX—While coquettishly fending off the advances of a sexually aggressive tomato, dreaming Agricultural Science major from Texas A&M University Hannah Joles was visited […]
Something Happened In Sports
HOUSTON, TX — On Feb. 5, something big happened at a sporting event somewhere involving some athletes and a ball. “Yeah, I just can’t believe […]
Los Angeles Monsoon Takes The Lives Of Four Thousand Leather Shoes
LOS ANGELES, CA — A mass grave erected in the middle of Brentwood was completed today, with an ornate tombstone dedicating the site to the […]
Supreme Playground Court Upholds 5 Second Rule
TOPEKA, KS— In a narrow 5-4 vote, the Supreme Playground Court of Smileyvale Elementary School ruled that the “Five Second Rule” was constitutional. “We really […]
Teen Disappointed Safe Space Lacks Wifi
WESTWOOD—Although thankful she has a space to comfortably feel free of hostilities, third-year gender studies major Charlotte Smith expressed concerns over the lack of reliable […]