Busy Area Father Misses Son’s Conception
LOS ANGELES—Working overtime due to an inability to tell his boss “No”, area father Peter Goodall failed to show up for his unborn son’s conception […]
National
Child Beachgoers Build Castle Of Sand, Water, Scattered Ashes
LAGUNA BEACH, CA — Mother of two Stacy Waldorf confirmed to reporters Sunday afternoon that on a recent trip to Laguna Beach, her two children, […]
Alumnus Excited To Leave Third Part-Time Job By 2020
LOS ANGELES—In light of LA’s recent minimum wage reform, UCLA class of 2014 alumnus Tyler Mills stated that he was excited to finally be able […]
Dad Steals Baby’s Nose
LOS ANGELES—Police have arrested local man Joseph Gutierrez in connection with stealing his baby’s nose. Gutierrez’s wife witnessed him playing with their son on Wednesday when […]
Loud Sound Definitely A Gunshot
WESTWOOD—Tuesday morning at approximately 3:44 AM, a loud sound that occurred somewhere within the vicinity of several residential homes was identified by members of the […]
Hillary Clinton Announces Plan To Move Back Into Old House Following 16-Year Pest Infestation
WASHINGTON—In a two-minute video featuring blue-collar workers feigning labor, an array of ethnically diverse families, and at least one gay couple holding hands, former First […]
Local School’s Social Hierarchy in Shambles After Musical Auditions
ALBUQUERQUE—Students at a local high school burst into song as a form of protest Tuesday when it was revealed that the school’s basketball captain sang […]
Report: Muscle Just Fat Pushed Together A Lot
SEATTLE—A recent study released by the Institute of Molecular Sciences at the University of Washington has conclusively proved that muscle is formed by the pushing […]
U.S. Ranks 39th in Education, 1st in Kicking Ass
WASHINGTON—The U.S. is declining in several metrics of social progress, found a Pew Research Study, but is still number 1 in annihilating ass. According to […]
Man Afraid Of Mispronouncing Dinner Order Gets Bread, Side Of Meatballs
PORTLAND, OR — Afraid of butchering the pronunciation of his dinner order and making a fool of himself in front of friends, fellow diners, and […]