Report: Liberals Fine With Celebrity Billionaire President As Long As They’re Black and Female
LOS ANGELES — After an impassioned speech by Oprah Winfrey at the Golden Globes earlier this month, many liberals were excited at the prospect […]
National
Roy Moore to Write Explosive Tell-All Book on Election
MOBILE, AL — In the wake of Alabama’s special election, the unsuccessful Republican candidate Roy Moore announced he will be releasing an incendiary tell-all book […]
Strange Feeling Inside America’s Gut Diagnosed as Hope
BIRMINGHAM, AL — After seeing Democratic candidate Doug Jones defeat Republican Roy Moore in the Alabama senate special election today, the nation was diagnosed with […]
Trump Travel Ban Also Includes New Jersey
WEST ORANGE, NJ — In a series of tweets this morning, President Donald J. Trump added to his statements earlier this month regarding a revised travel […]
Olympic Committee Reevaluates LA Bid After Seeing B-Plate Portion Sizes
MANKATO, MN – Just weeks after declaring the 2028 Olympic bid will be offered to the City of Los Angeles, International Olympic Committee President Thomas […]
BREAKING: Cousin Mark Moved Up To Adult Table
RALEIGH, NC — In a move some cousins are calling “unexpected,” area preteen Mark Carmichael was granted access to dine at the adult table for […]
Father of Pardoned Turkey Squares Off Against Trump
MANKATO, MN — After being attacked for his lack of gratitude toward President Donald Trump, area turkey Mr. Gobbles, father of recently pardoned turkey Drumstick, […]
GOP: Democrats Are Worse Than Child Molesters
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Today, in a joint statement on Capitol Hill, several Republican lawmakers confirmed that any member of the Democratic Party is unequivocally and […]
Area Man Most Thankful For Black Friday Steam Sale
WESTWOOD — Despite his loving family, fulfilling career and good health, area man Tobias Yuichi is more thankful for Steam’s annual Black Friday sale than […]
Five Former Presidents To Form New Boy Band
WASHINGTON, D.C.— After their triumphant showing at the recent Hurricane Relief Benefit Concert, the five living former presidents have decided to take their careers to […]