Student Using Zoom Raise Hand Function “Just Stretching”
LOS ANGELES — Second-year Communications major Aiden Malone clarified today that his use of the “raise hand” function on zoom was just his stretching. “If […]
Campus
Boelter’s Nerd Infestation Reaches Alarming Heights
WESTWOOD — Los Angeles County Animal Control reported Tuesday that Boelter Hall’s nerd infestation has reached alarming heights. “We were able to capture a large […]
Student Saves Time To Stare At Wall By Watching Lectures At Double Speed
WESTWOOD — This year’s Omicron crisis has pushed many students into busy remote schedules, forcing them to listen to lectures at double speed to preserve […]
Ronald Reagan Medical Center To Be Renamed After President Who Didn’t Suck
WESTWOOD — In light of new allegations of terrible-ness, both students and administrators at UCLA are proposing that the Ronald Reagan UCLA Medical Center be […]
Poli-Sci Major Excommunicated For Playing Devil’s Advocate At Baptism
RANCHO CUCAMONGA — Third-year political science major Brendan O’Neill’s hopes of becoming a Godfather came crashing down last Sunday, when he was forcibly removed from […]
Report: Daily Symptom Screening Questionnaire Just Asked For Your Cup Size?
WESTWOOD — This morning, while you were filling out the daily symptom screening questionnaire, it asked you for your cup size. “We know it can […]
BREAKING: Humanities Student Applies To Law School
WESTWOOD — UCLA has once again distinguished itself as a prestigious university following a groundbreaking move by history major Daniel Pelzman, who defied societal expectations […]
4 Reasons Why You Don’t Deserve To Register In That Class You Need To Graduate
You really thought you were out of here. How naïve you were, going on your Class Planner, just begging for a spot to open up […]
Report: Use Of Word “Unprecedented” Spiking
SEATTLE — As the Omicron variant ravages through the country, top language researchers have noticed a second surge of the word “unprecedented.” “It’s as if […]