BruinCast Employee Wins Oscar For Creative Camerawork
WESTWOOD — Fourth-year Abby Gromberg made history this Oscar Sunday after she was awarded “Best Director” for her work on LS 7A 2/13. “I think […]
Life
Triangle of Sadness? This Woman Has a UTI
Watching the Oscars? Here are our quick takes on the Best Picture nominees! Buy me dinner first! Give ‘em a mic, I say! I sure […]
Finally! 2023 Oscars To Be Nationwide Convention Of Guys Named Oscar
HOLLYWOOD — Today, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences made a well-received announcement that the 95th Oscars would be a national convention of […]
I Lived It: Someone Asked To Share My Table At Kerckhoff
The first thing that struck me, looking up at her, was that she had a kind face. What struck me next was her nerve. “Hi, […]
Trend Watch: Divorce!
After a glorious 20-year run, US divorce rates are back down to historic lows. Come on, people! What are we doing? The United States is […]
Opinion: I’ve Been Wandering Around Epicuria For 10 Weeks With No Empty Tables In Sight
How many days has it been? 3? 7? 70? I’ve been pacing around the ravioli, tiramisu, and ricotta. Back and forth, back and forth, back […]
Local Vagina Saves Discharge For Best Underwear
YOUR CROTCH — Despite eight previous hours of blessed discharge-free existence while you were wearing that ratty pair of granny panties you’ve had since high […]
Student Treats Self To A Few Days Of Rotting In Bed
A WINDOWLESS BEDROOM — Area student Molly Lee was seen this morning treating themself to a days-long stint of rotting in bed. Due to their recent […]
Complaining About the Rain? Don’t Worry, Climate Change Will Get Rid Of It
WESTWOOD — You’ve been complaining for two months now about the rain we’ve gotten this winter. You’re telling everyone that you’re sick and tired of […]
Opinion: How I Get So Much Volume In My Hair I Can’t Hear My Roommate Face-Timing Her Boyfriend
Step 1: I take a shower. This gives me an excuse to avoid hearing my roommate cycle through pet names for her five foot eight […]