Teen Makes Case For Adderall Prescription By Reciting Memorized Monologue

WESTWOOD Early Thursday afternoon, 17 year-old Connor Adams recited a perfectly memorized monologue to his psychiatrist in hopes of obtaining an Adderall prescription. “Hi, my name is Connor, and today I will be telling you a bit about my memory problems,” said Adams, who then paused slightly to inject his monologue with some much-needed realism.

“I began having problems when I started taking AP Calculus,” said Adams. “Or was it AP U.S. History? Gee, I can’t even remember…” Adams conveyed to his psychiatrist his dire need for help, after vaguely asking if there “was maybe some medicine for memory? I don’t know if that even exists… but if it does I think I need it!” After regurgitating a dictionary definition of executive dysfunction, Adams’s psychiatrist finally relented and wrote him a prescription for Adderall.

After successfully securing a prescription, Adams could be heard veering into his second monologue, this time describing the anxiety he gets on planes: “I don’t know if there’s a medicine for that either. What would it even be called? Probably something ridiculous like Xanthippe.”