Frat Boy Fears Commitment On Valentine’s Day Too

The root of McCormick's commitment issues have yet to be determined.
The root of McCormick’s commitment issues have yet to be determined. (Credit: Jen Harbeck/Erick Yeh)

WESTWOOD—Waking up next to yet another drunken hookup, third-year frat brother Tanner McCormick confessed to reporters he was not interested in pursuing a long term relationship on Valentine’s Day either. “I understand it’s the day of love, or whatever, but I’m just not ready for that kind of commitment right now, or, like ever, you know?” McCormick said, as he requested an Uber for the unnamed and very hung over Zeta Chi sorority sister. “The only commitment I know is with my brothers. I mean girls are good for one night, but bros are forever. Who needs a Valentine when you got a house full of guys that genuinely care about you?” At press time, McCormick was seen attempting to make plans with his big, who was already busy getting brunch with his girlfriend.

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Jen Harbeck is 100% sure she is actually just a pair of socks. Look at the facts: Her skin is the texture of cotton, she smells vaguely like feet, and she loves the ground. Jen Harbeck = Pair of socks.