Single Friend Diagnosed With Chronic Unlikability
LOS ANGELES — After twenty-one years of spending Valentine’s Day alone, your single friend received a medical diagnosis of Chronic Unlikability syndroMe (CUM) during his […]
Valentine’s Day
Cupid To Upgrade To Rocket Launcher, Quote: “Gotta Get Those Numbers Up”
THE AIR — Love is in it, folks. And this Valentine’s Day, Cupid’s got a little something special up his diaper. “Lockheed Martin’s newest Hydrogen […]
Valentine’s Day Gift Ideas For Your Boyfriend
Uh oh! Valentine’s Day is just around the corner and you haven’t gotten a gift for that special guy in your life! Are you sick […]
5 Organs To Steal From Your Significant Other Other Than Their Heart
Strapped for cash for the best Valentine’s Day gift? Already donated all the blood you can to the blood and platelet center? Not to fret– […]
Aww! Man Celebrates Valentine’s Day by Making Love to Capitalism
Johnny Richardson, a 21-year-old Westwood resident, woke up fresh-faced with an extra spring in his step and walked to his local grocery store to ring […]
Saint Valentine Still Not Sure How He Got Caught Up In This Whole Thing
HEAVEN — Although he was venerated by the Church for his contributions to chivalry and courtly love, Saint Valentine is not really sure what he […]
Top 8 UCLA Date Ideas
Still not sure how to impress your date on Valentine’s Day? Here are some ideas guaranteed to get you a “that was nice!” text afterwards. […]
Frat Boy Fears Commitment On Valentine’s Day Too
WESTWOOD—Waking up next to yet another drunken hookup, third-year frat brother Tanner McCormick confessed to reporters he was not interested in pursuing a long term […]
How To Have The Perfect Valentine’s Day In College
Valentine’s Day is just around the corner! Whether you’re in a relationship or still waiting for that Special Someone, here are some tips for having […]
Suicide Hotline Worker Gears Up For Valentine’s Day
AUSTIN, TEXAS – Julius Camus, a veteran crisis counselor at the national suicide hotline’s call center in Austin, is getting ready for the busiest day […]