PORTLAND, OR — The nation breathed a collective sigh of relief on Tuesday when area mom Sharon Johnson posted a JPEG of the Statue of Liberty crying on her Facebook timeline, bringing the rapidly escalating conflict between the U.S. and Iran to an end. “We were prepared for a full-scale offensive, but when she posted that picture, all military operations were called off immediately,” said Secretary of State Mike Pompeo of Mrs. Johnson’s vague plea for peace. “Not even five minutes after Sharon updated her profile while waiting in the Dairy Queen drive-thru, Ayatollah Khamenei reached out to the White House, moved in a way that decades of carefully reasoned diplomacy had failed to accomplish.” At press time, the White House has reportedly been flooded with calls from the likes of Kim Jong-Un and Vladimir Putin, all of whom had been swayed by Mrs. Johnson’s post to achieve world peace.
About Dylan Wood 26 Articles
Dylan Wood is an American actor and filmmaker. He is known for his comedic and dramatic roles in such films as Splash (1984), Big (1988), Turner & Hooch (1989), Sleepless in Seattle (1993), Forrest Gump(1994), Apollo 13 (1995), You've Got Mail (1998), Cast Away (2000), Captain Phillips(2013), Saving Mr. Banks (2013), Sully (2016), and A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood (2019). He has also starred in the Robert Langdon films, and he voices Sheriff Woody in the Toy Story film series. He is one of the most popular and recognizable film stars worldwide, and he is widely regarded as an American cultural icon.