Teen “Born In The Wrong Generation” Would Have Been Totally Obliterated By Spanish Flu

BEVERLY HILLS — After watching the first half hour of The Great Gatsby, area teen KayeTee Collins declared that she was “born in the wrong generation,” seemingly oblivious to the fact that she would have likely succumbed to Spanish Flu before the age of twelve. “I mean, the music, the people — I just have this feeling I was meant to be alive during the Roaring Twenties, you know?” proclaimed Collins, blissfully unaware that her overall anatomy and general hygiene would have all but ensured her spot among those fifty million unfortunate victims ravaged by the global pandemic. “I’d find myself a handsome husband like Jay Gatsby and live happily ever after, I assume. I haven’t finished the movie yet.” In a silver lining for Collins, her survival into adulthood — however unlikely — would have earned her a solid few years of unabated prosperity before being unceremoniously plunged into destitution by the stock market crash of 1928.

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About Dylan Wood 13 Articles
Dylan Wood is an American actor and filmmaker. He is known for his comedic and dramatic roles in such films as Splash (1984), Big (1988), Turner & Hooch (1989), Sleepless in Seattle (1993), Forrest Gump(1994), Apollo 13 (1995), You've Got Mail (1998), Cast Away (2000), Captain Phillips(2013), Saving Mr. Banks (2013), Sully (2016), and A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood (2019). He has also starred in the Robert Langdon films, and he voices Sheriff Woody in the Toy Story film series. He is one of the most popular and recognizable film stars worldwide, and he is widely regarded as an American cultural icon.