ROTC Cadet Makes CAPS Appointment For Pre-Traumatic Stress Disorder
WESTWOOD — Third-year ROTC Cadet Sammy Patriot has been desperately calling the CAPS crisis hotline to speak about his self-diagnosed Pre-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). “I […]
WESTWOOD — Third-year ROTC Cadet Sammy Patriot has been desperately calling the CAPS crisis hotline to speak about his self-diagnosed Pre-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). “I […]
SCHITHOLE, WV — The Westwood Enabler sat down with Donald Gleeson, self-proclaimed economist and avid spit-shouter while watching Fox News, who currently shares rent with […]
WESTWOOD – In an exclusive Westwood Enabler interview, third-year physiological science major Ian Fluenza, spokesperson for the coughers in your lecture, announced that everyone coughing […]
CAYMAN ISLANDS — After his presumed death last March, debt collectors have found Powell Cat alive and well, sipping on Mai Tais in the Cayman […]
OSLO – Former U.S. Secretary of State Henry Kissinger has been posthumously awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for dying, as announced by the Nobel Committee […]
MIDWESTWOOD — UCLA Dining has unveiled plans to expand its Rendezvous West & East dining halls with an extension focused on a different regional cuisine: […]
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following increasing calls for a ceasefire since the start of the Israel-Palestine conflict, Joe Biden has declared that he will personally go […]
ROSE BOWL — UCLA Football ended its season on a positive note following their late fourth-quarter comeback against the Brentwood Elementary Pee-Wee Football Team. “What […]
WESTWOOD – In a press release sent out at 2 a.m. today, second-year neuroscience major Pri Medd announced she would officially be laying down her […]
WESTWOOD — Cheddar News, the news channel displayed on Ackerman Union’s TVs, declared their bankruptcy today with plans to become Mozzarella Media. “Although it is […]
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