Great Depression Preemptively Named “World Depression One”
WASHINGTON, D.C. – This morning, The White House announced via executive order the official renaming of The Great Depression to “World Depression One.” “It’s important […]
election
Gift Of Prophecy? Californians Glad They Voted To Keep Inmate Firefighters Enslaved
CALIFORNIA — As Southern California wildfires stretch non-incarcerated fire crews thin, Democrats and Republicans alike are applauding their foresight in voting against Proposition 6, which would […]
Paul Blart’s Brutal Body Cam Footage Finally Declassified
WASHINGTON, D.C. — On Friday, the United States Department of Justice finally declassified Paul Blart’s body cam footage following years of litigation. “Our buddy Paul […]
USAC Candidate Campaigns To Implement The Gold Standard For Meal Swipes
WESTWOOD — With upcoming deflation to $4.33 for on-campus meal swipes, USAC Candidate Roger Hardy plans to tackle upcoming swipe deflation with an old-fashioned solution […]
Top 5 Places To Get An Abortion When Your Human Rights Are Treated Like A Luxury
Following recent news that the Supreme Court will likely overturn Roe v. Wade, we have curated a list of five places to get an abortion […]
Heartwarming! This Man Wakes Up Every Morning And Finds Out He’s President
WASHINGTON, DC — In what can only be described as a heartwarming break from the nation’s political drama, sources confirmed Monday that every morning Joe […]
Playboy Donates Full Catalog To Trump Presidential Library
BEVERLY HILLS — In a press release sent out this morning, Playboy Enterprises announced that they would be donating their entire back catalog to the […]
COVID Positive Rudy Giuliani Checks Into Walter Reed Hardware Store
WASHINGTON, DC — Following his positive COVID-19 diagnosis, Rudy Giuliani has reportedly checked himself into Walter Reed Hardware Store, a small building supply company located […]