Area Teenager Eats Pint Of Ice Cream Without Wearing Sweatpants
WESTWOOD, CA—Major concerns were raised in the Westwood community early Friday evening after local teenager Dorothy Springer finished off her pint of Cherry Garcia ice […]
Charlie C’s Guide to Valentine’s Day
Roses. Chocolate. Candy hearts. Men snoring while their girlfriends soak up the entire couch watching The Notebook. These are the things that we associate with […]
Enabler Asks You: What are you doing for Valentines day?
It’s that time of year again! Enabler staff hit the campus this week to get the low-down on some of our reader’s plans for Valentine’s […]
UCLA Student Found Dead After Playing Too Much Flappy Bird
WESTWOOD–It’s the gaming sensation that’s sweeping the nation–and it’s deadly. Last Tuesday, a UCLA student was found dead in his dorm room after a three-day […]
“Yeah, Bro!” Confirms Frat Brother
WESTWOOD—An unidentified frat brother speaking on a phone just outside the IM field this morning confirmed that “Yeah, bro!” in direct response to the person […]
Underprepared English Professor To Increase Rate Of Dramatic Pauses In Next Lecture
WESTWOOD—Sources revealed this morning that English 142 Professor Michael Prinz intends to increase both the frequency and duration of his pauses during tomorrow’s lecture. According […]
Superbowl Analysts Expect Record Number Of Blazings
EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ — In preparation for today’s Superbowl 48, which pits the Seattle Seahawks against the Denver Broncos, officials at MetLife Stadium have completed arrangements for […]
Iran Reveals Plans for Nuclear Waterslide
NEW YORK—In a UN General Assembly meeting last Tuesday, Iranian President Hassan Rouhani was initially reserved when questioned about rumors surrounding the construction of what […]
New Study: You’re Probably Not Getting Laid Tonight
WESTWOOD – Leading researchers and also every one of your close friends confirmed yesterday that you’re probably not gonna get laid tonight. “That shirt makes […]
You want three weeks of winter vacation? Fine. One week then.
Running a statewide public university system is difficult. I hope you understand that. And as regent, sometimes you have to make tough decisions. Sometimes you’ve […]