Student Resents Professor’s Chinese Accent, Totally Fine With TA’s Italian Accent
WESTWOOD — According to sources, UCLA student Neil Taegan, known for openly mocking Economics Professor Hui Li’s Chinese accent, has no qualms about T.A. Sofia […]
Student Gets Head Start On Test, Asshole Status
WESTWOOD — Attempting to give himself more time on his exam Tuesday, second-year Statistics-major Mike Foster got a head start on his Math 33A final as […]
Donald Trump Calls For Santa’s Workshop To Be Relocated To US
NEW YORK CITY — At a press conference in the Trump Tower this past Thursday, Donald Trump demanded that Santa Claus relocate his workshop to […]
PETA Denounces Cruel Treatment Of Bruin Bear
WESTWOOD — Following UCLA administration’s decision to put a large protective box around the Bruin Bear statue in Bruin Plaza for “Rivalry Week,” People for […]
Undocumented Immigrants Taking All Of Nation’s Resources, Says Study Conducted By Racist Uncle
FREMONT, CA — For the fourth consecutive year in a row, self-proclaimed scientist and uncle to five Joey Burke announced at a Thanksgiving dinner turned […]
Students Take Break From Battling On-Campus Hate To Hate Crosstown Rivals
LOS ANGELES – Lobbing disparaging remarks at the Trojan student body during the UCLA-USC football game Saturday, students at the University of California, Los Angeles […]
Op-Ed: Shouldn’t ALL Fridays Matter?
This holiday season, we’ve all gathered our families together to reminisce about the year gone by, and wish each other well into the coming year. […]
Astrophysics Students Blinded from Looking Directly at the Sun
WESTWOOD, CA — A class of 23 UCLA students from the astrophysics general education course ‘My Star and Me’ were blinded this Monday after taking part […]
Louisiana Denies Governor Jindal Refuge From GOP Primary
BATON ROUGE, LA — Following his displacement from the GOP primary due to instability within the party, Governor Bobby Jindal was denied refuge by his […]
Report: Single Gourd In B-Plate Promises Festive Holiday Season
WESTWOOD — Sources confirmed today that B-Plate has risen the stakes this holiday season, as the addition of a single gourd to the dining hall’s […]