This Class Actually Super Easy, Asshole Reports
WESTWOOD — Local asshole Kyle Logan reported this week that his Math 33A class is, in fact, “super easy.” “Honestly I don’t even try at all and […]
Westwood Gets Another Pizza Place, For Some Reason
WESTWOOD — Westwood residents were not that excited last week when a new pizza place, KONY Pizzeria, opened up around the corner from the FOX […]
BREAKING: We Have The Meats
FLAVORTOWN, USA—Sources, those sources being your mother #$&%@$@ tastebuds, man, report that fast food chain and purveyor of carnivorous atrocities Arby’s does, in fact, […]
Area Man Would Have Gotten Away With It If It Weren’t For Those Meddling Kids
CARNIVAL ISLAND — Caught adding poisonous gas to the air purifier systems on Carnival Island in an attempt to simulate an epidemic, area man Joseph […]
Dog Cute But Also Major Step Back For Evolution
ORANGE COUNTY, CA — Sources report that area woman Fatima Gulzar was recently hit by the realization that her dog, Bailey, was cute but also […]
Point: Therapy Has Been So Good For Me / Counterpoint: I’m In Love With My Therapist.
Point: Therapy Has Been So Good For Me. By: Hannah Stein So I finally made the leap and sought out a therapist for myself. They […]
“I Think You Mean Frankenstein’s Monster,” Says Friend
WESTWOOD — Interrupting first-year Sarah Ahmed’s description of the role her eighth grade English teacher played in sparking her love for literature, Ahmed’s friend, first-year Aaron […]
Bruins For Israel Pretty Quiet This Week
WESTWOOD — UCLA students noted that the campus group Bruins For Israel has been pretty quiet this week following the killing of more than 60 […]
Study: Discarded USAC Flyers Make Up Majority of Great Pacific Garbage Patch
PACIFIC OCEAN — A study performed by the UCLA Department of Atmospheric and Oceanic Sciences found that the Great Pacific Garbage Patch is primarily composed […]
Op-Ed: I Support Labor Rights Except When They Inconvenience Me
It’s 2018. People shouldn’t have to work two full time jobs just to put food on the table for their family. We should have fair […]