WESTWOOD — UCLA’s ten thousand consulting clubs recently came under fire when they were consulted on what their clubs really do besides pose for headshots outside Royce Hall. “While the focus of our club is to stick our noses into large corporations’ business, we dream about it becoming a feeder for the most ethically dubious firms we can find. As for what we actually do in our meetings? We’ll circle back and touch base with you about that later,” said fifth-year Business Economics student J.P. Morgan, whose last LinkedIn post was about what not having a summer internship taught him about B2B marketing. “From a macro view, our main focus is on denying all but 3 kids from the Bay each recruitment cycle to keep our offer rate looking prestigious. Once we’re bored of that, we like making the trust fund-wannabes and future Palantir interns in this club guess how many ping pong balls can fit into our Boeing 747.” At press time, Morgan was seen loudly bragging in line for Rocco’s about the job he had just gotten at his family stock fund.
