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campus life

Heartbreaking! Invisible Lesbian Unable To Celebrate Lesbian Visibility Week

April 26, 2025 Bibinaz Nami 0

WESTWOOD — After attempting to participate in the LGBTQ Campus Resource Center’s event for Lesbian Visibility Week, one lesbian was deeply disappointed by the center’s […]

UC Berkeley Mysteriously Vanishes

April 20, 2025 Vanessa Pare 0

BERKELEY — At approximately 4:20 PM, the East Bay was shocked to discover that their beloved campus of UC Berkeley had disappeared. “I’ve never seen […]

Admitted freshmen on the Janss Steps for Bruin Day

Bruin Day Tour Group Throws Peanuts At Students

April 12, 2025 Maggie Kwan 0

WESTWOOD — UCLA Campus Tours announced that as a Bruin Day special, each admitted students tour now comes with a free bag of peanuts for […]

Intrepid Daily Bruin Reporters Find Out Julio Frenk’s Favorite Color

April 7, 2025 Gabe McNeill 0

WESTWOOD — After a grueling investigation that involved bugging meeting rooms, undercover operations, and wiretapping, the Daily Bruin has made headline news announcing that they […]

UCLA Offers Permanent Study Abroad Program

April 6, 2025 Shayne Sweet and Zach Fischer 0

WESTWOOD — Today, UCLA’s administration announced its generous offering of a permanent study abroad program for international students. “As this God-chosen nation’s #1 public university, […]

STEM Major Still Has To Google Unit Circle

March 13, 2025 Maggie Kwan 0

WESTWOOD — Third-year Applied Mathematics major William L’Hopital recently made sine waves last Friday when he was seen googling the unit circle in his upper-division […]

Dorm Resident Hospitalized After Automatic Toilet Flushes Prematurely

March 9, 2025 Zach Fischer 0

WESTWOOD — The sixth-floor communal bathroom of Sproul Cove was struck by tragedy Friday evening after a horrific flush-sensor malfunction in the second stall hospitalized […]

Opinion: Stop Asking To Switch Out Of Your Friday 8AM, Everyone Else Is Hungover Too

January 15, 2025 Olivia Maes 0

The start of the quarter is rough for all of us, let’s admit it. An end to a seemingly endless interlude from reality, our first […]

Opinion: Final Exams Are Biased Against People With Tiny Bladders And Rectums

June 10, 2024 Harry Song 0

Yes, I’m a human. Yes, I pee and poo and shit and even fart. So why is this being held against me when it comes […]

Sad woman at party

Opinion: Stop Inviting Me To “Senior Send Offs”; I Feel Like I’m Being Put Down

June 5, 2024 Sam Haines 0

Posts pagination

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  • Man standing in a mirror maze, pointing to reflections of himself. He looks very bewildered.

    Other Idiots in Mirror Maze Going The Wrong Way

    HELL — Following a trip to the local mirror maze, resident genius Leon Noel scoffed at all the morons in there going the wrong direction. […]

  • Julio Frenk’s “Listening Exercise” Is Cuck Play Where He Listens To Me And My Lover Through The Door

    Dear Bruin Community: Since Julio began his listening exercise in February, I have met with 29 men and women, and more than 5,000 non-binary baristas, […]

  • Idiot Moron Claps At Poetry Reading

    WESTWOOD — This morning, fourth-year American literature and culture major Emily Yonicson humiliated herself and her family as she clapped, not snapped, at a local […]

  • Heartbreaking! Invisible Lesbian Unable To Celebrate Lesbian Visibility Week

    WESTWOOD — After attempting to participate in the LGBTQ Campus Resource Center’s event for Lesbian Visibility Week, one lesbian was deeply disappointed by the center’s […]

  • “Sperm Racing” Event to Take Place in Communal Bathroom Shower Stall

Featured Authors

mm
Gabe McNeill
  • Opinion: They Should Let The New Pope Have Gay Sex Once So He Can See If It Should Still Be Banned Or Not
  • Other Idiots in Mirror Maze Going The Wrong Way
  • Report: Straightest Woman You Know Won’t Stop Calling Boyfriend “Fruity”
Sam Rusk
  • Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees
  • Local Centaur Divided Hot Dog Style
  • Time Flies: 2005 Baby Officially Queer Elder

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