Op-Ed: I Took Ambien And Woke Up At a KKK Rally
As a god-fearing woman, I have never participated in the dangerous activity of binge drinking. My friends would always tell me how much they forgot […]
Community
Point: I’m Not Your Waifu, You Fucking Creep / Counterpoint: Then Why Is Your Face On My Body-Pillow?
Point: I’m Not Your Waifu, You Fucking Creep By: Ashley Jacobs Listen. Attraction is natural. Everyone, and I do mean everyone, has wanted to fuck […]
Op-Ed: It’s Only Okay to Use Science to Alter God’s Plan If It Involves a Pill That Gives Me an Erection
God has made a plan for all of us. We should not attempt to alter that plan with so-called science, unless, of course, that science […]
Movie Review: I Haven’t Watched “Black Panther” Yet, But I Know It’s Good
Today I’m reviewing a movie I really love, “Black Panther.” Well, actually, it doesn’t come out for a few more weeks and that means I […]
Wait, Did Area Man Just Ask Me Out?
WESTWOOD — Sources are unsure whether area man Eric, just asked me out. We’ve had dinner together multiple times so I didn’t think it was […]
Op-Ed: I Don’t See Color, I Have a Serious Disability
It’s been all over the news lately – #BlackLivesMatter, #BlueLivesMatter, #WhiteLivesMatterToo. People are arguing left and right that they don’t see color, or that color […]
Op-Ed: Cynthia, We’re Done, Please Drop 14C So I Don’t Have To
Cynthia, we’re done. I’m sorry. I’m really really sorry we broke up, but we had to. It really wasn’t working out. We’ve sorted our stuff […]
Local Voter Somehow Still Undecided
LOS ANGELES — Local keysmith and registered voter Adam Wells has still not decided which candidate he will support for President of the United States […]
That’s An Awfully Nice Paper You’ve Got There
You have a wonderful newspaper. Truly, wonderful. I read it every week, and it always brings a smile to my face. You should be very […]
Op-Ed: Iowa, Explained By The Most Popular Girl In Middle School
When I got to school on Monday, everyone was talking about Iowa. Great. last time I checked, I was the cool new girl who worked her way […]