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Botanical Garden Turtle Confesses: Your First Date Was Cringe

May 29, 2023 Dana Badii 0

Hey buddy. It’s me, Grog. Yeah, the little turtle by the bridge who saw you walking through the botanical gardens with your date. Oh, you […]

Opinion: I’m 🅿️aying 5 GRANDS to the first 7 ppl to Mesage me right now “moneY” 📈💸💪💯❤️

May 1, 2023 Dylan Wood 0

Opinion: Science Is Fake! The Same Water That “Carved The Grand Canyon” Can’t Flush My Poop Down This Toilet

March 27, 2023 Gillian Smith 0

We’ve all sat through the same boring eighth grade science class where they teach you about “erosion.” They say water flowed through some rocks and […]

Opinion: I’ve Been Wandering Around Epicuria For 10 Weeks With No Empty Tables In Sight

March 4, 2023 Dana Badii 0

How many days has it been? 3? 7? 70? I’ve been pacing around the ravioli, tiramisu, and ricotta. Back and forth, back and forth, back […]

Opinion: How I Get So Much Volume In My Hair I Can’t Hear My Roommate Face-Timing Her Boyfriend

February 27, 2023 Melissa Beining 0

Step 1: I take a shower. This gives me an excuse to avoid hearing my roommate cycle through pet names for her five foot eight […]

Opinion: “Samueli?” More Like “Smelly.” You Stink!

February 24, 2023 Ava Abrishamchian 0

WESTWOOD — UCLA is known for its beautiful architecture and iconic buildings. Even with a melancholy Mathematic Sciences Building, UCLA can keep its top spot […]

Opinion: If We’re Bringing Back Cigarettes, Why Don’t We Also Bring Back Opium?

February 9, 2023 Vic O'Din 0

I’ve noticed an interesting trend recently. You’re at a party, drinking your beers, sipping your jungle juice, and all of a sudden everyone is smoking […]

Opinion: IBS Isn’t Hot Because Diarrhea Is Gross, Actually

January 11, 2023 A Concerned Citizen 0

Have you heard about how hot girls have IBS? How all the hottest girls are on a low FODMAP diet and can’t look at a […]

Trend Watch! The Case To Bring Back Lead Poisoning

December 1, 2022 Lucas Humel 0

From bell-bottoms to tube tops, the next generation is scouring the history books for new and exciting ways to kick it old-school. But fashion doesn’t […]

Uncle’s Rant At Thanksgiving Dinner Receives Lo-Fi Hip Hop Remix

November 26, 2022 Dana Badii 0

LOS ANGELES – Households across America are jamming out after the release of the Scott family’s new single, “Uncle Terry’s Rant (Interlude)” ft. lo-fi hip […]

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Maya Chatrathi
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