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Op-Ed: Everyone Is Getting COVID Without Me And I Have Major FOMO

March 27, 2021 Bill DeWaal 0

How would you feel if every day you checked the news and saw that hundreds of thousands of people were going to a party, and […]

UCLA Campus Available To Sublet Spring Quarter, Utilities Included

March 10, 2021 Jay Varhula 0

WESTWOOD — At 3 a.m. PST Monday morning, the UCLA Board of Directors released a statement on the “UCLA Free And For Sale” Facebook page […]

Op-Ed: I’m Tired Of Writing Fluff Pieces For The Westwood Enabler

March 3, 2021 Analisa Burns 0

As a member of the premiere satirical newspaper at UCLA, I personally feel like I’m being held back. I know I got what it takes […]

Roommate Going To Finish Bananas This Time

October 6, 2020 Jay Varhula 0

WESTWOOD — After returning from Ralphs today at 12:30 p.m. PST, your roommate assured you that he is definitely going to finish the bananas he […]

Man Drinks The Fuck Out Of Glass Of Water

September 30, 2020 Jay Varhula 0

ENCINO, CA — The nation reeled Sunday afternoon after learning that area man Chis Peterson really just drank the fuck out of his glass of […]

Senior Who Taught You How To Do Line Admitted To Law School

September 23, 2020 Max Flora 0

WESTWOOD — Westley Frump, the senior who gave you your first line of cocaine in the bathroom of a house party, has reportedly been admitted […]

Op-Ed: Women Under 5’6” Should Be Allowed To See Little Women For Free

March 24, 2020 Grace Johnston-Glick 0

When I first saw Little Women I was surprised by how big the women were. I quickly got over my shock when I realized that […]

Dungeons And Dragons Game Disbanded For Problematic Focus On Race And Class

March 1, 2020 Jade Lacy 0

WESTWOOD — The UCLA Office of Equity, Diversity & Inclusion has officially shut down roleplaying club Bodacious Bards’ newest Dungeons and Dragons campaign after students […]

Bird Tipping Not the Same, Say Students Of Rural Background

February 5, 2020 Jack Grossman 0

WESTWOOD — Early Friday morning, students hailing from rural hometowns saw an opportunity to engage in a favorite childhood pastime after drunkenly stumbling past herds […]

Op-Ed: Toddlers Are Idiot Loser Virgins

February 4, 2020 Uncle Josh 0

When I heard I was gonna be an uncle, I was like dope. But as soon as little Piss Pants was born, I realized that […]

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