That’s An Awfully Nice Paper You’ve Got There

10626947-large_cropYou have a wonderful newspaper. Truly, wonderful. I read it every week, and it always brings a smile to my face. You should be very proud. It would be a shame if something happened to it.

Accidents happen. Things fall apart. One morning you have a copy-editor. The next morning you don’t. And what about that website? Graphics get misplaced. Who knows? A perfectly good stock photo of a college student might get replaced by an image of turtles mating.

Of course we’re all friends here, and I don’t want any of that to happen. And that’s why I’m offering you… a sort of insurance. After all, it would be just awful if word got out what happened at the annual Enabler Gala, wouldn’t it?

But why focus on the negative? We can accomplish so much together. For decades the people of Westwood have looked to the Daily Bruin as their source of local news. But if, say, the editor in chief of the Daily Bruin was caught with anti-diversity literature on his laptop, things would change, hmmmm?

Let’s just say I represent a sort of mutual acquaintance. A certain chancellor, perhaps, who has had some, um, concern, with a few articles written about him. I assure you, this person wants nothing more than to continue friendly relations. Though if you would just grant him one small favor, nothing could make him happier.

I’m afraid that’s all the space I have, but if you would like to take us up on our offer, and I highly suggest you do, you know where to meet us. See you in office hours.