Slow-Moving Spider Can No Longer Be Ignored
LOS ANGELES — Area woman Susan Williams realized that she could no longer ignore the slow-moving arachnid on her bedroom wall on Tuesday afternoon. “Usually, […]
Campus
Bruin Republicans Book Logan Paul
WESTWOOD — Bruin Republicans at UCLA announced today that they have partnered with conservative student group Turning Point USA to host disgraced YouTube personality Logan […]
Report: Professor Takes Plagiarism Very Seriously
WESTWOOD — Sources from within Dr. Peter Roebling’s course on political polarization report that the tenured professor took a bold stance on academic integrity in […]
CAPS Going to Need You to Postpone Mental Breakdown Until Two Months from Now
WESTWOOD — UCLA’s Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS) announced in an official press release that it is going to need all students to postpone their […]
Minotaur Found Deep Within Recesses Of MathSci-Boelter
MOUNT WESTWOOD — Alas, my friends, that day the quest was dark, For on such a mission I embark, I had seen Scylla and Charybdis, […]
Report: You Probably Won’t Finish That Paper Early
WESTWOOD — After much deliberation, sources close to you recently reported that, no, you probably won’t finish that paper early. “I know you’re going away […]
Man Six Beers In Just Taking The Edge Off
WESTWOOD — Area man Joseph Park has consumed six beers in an attempt to take the edge off after a long day. “Yeah, like, I […]
Freshman Relieved She Done With Hardest Quarter
WESTWOOD — Sources report that first-year pre-anthropology major Amelia Collins is relieved she is done with her hardest quarter of her college career. “Everyone told me […]
Ackerman’s Gas Leak Heard by Everyone in Gym Class
WESTWOOD — Profusely denying any wrongdoing, Ackerman Union is alleged to have let out a little gas during seventh period PE this afternoon. “It was totally […]
Inspiring Political Science Professor Tells Students They Can All Be President When They Grow Up
WESTWOOD — Affirming the long-held hopes and dreams of the students in his American Politics lower-division course, UCLA Political Science Professor Chris Worcester remarked in last […]