Ackerman’s Gas Leak Heard by Everyone in Gym Class
WESTWOOD — Profusely denying any wrongdoing, Ackerman Union is alleged to have let out a little gas during seventh period PE this afternoon. “It was totally […]
Campus
Inspiring Political Science Professor Tells Students They Can All Be President When They Grow Up
WESTWOOD — Affirming the long-held hopes and dreams of the students in his American Politics lower-division course, UCLA Political Science Professor Chris Worcester remarked in last […]
Bruin Democrats Announce “Republicans Bad”
WESTWOOD—Bruin Democrats at UCLA released a public statement this week calling Republicans “bad”, emphasizing the club’s core mission to remind everyone that their rival political […]
Point: Mental Health Is So Important, Guys! / Counterpoint: I Wish That Depressed Loser With No Friends Would Fuck Off
Point: Mental Health Is So Important, Guys! By: Your RA Guys! Don’t you know mental health is so important? This campus is a safe space […]
Christian Fraternities Prepare for Surge in Pledges
WESTWOOD — Citing the UCLA Interfraternity Council’s unanimous decision to ban in-house frat parties involving alcohol, UCLA’s Christian fraternities are currently preparing for a massive surge […]
Report: Kelly Wants You To Sign Up For Dance Marathon
WESTWOOD — According to sources close to her, Kelly, your freshman year roommate’s ex-girlfriend who you talked to once, wants you to sign up for […]
Promising Economics Student Sadly Drops Out of UCLA
WESTWOOD — On Wednesday, the UCLA community was saddened when prominent economics student Joshua Rosen decided to take leave from the university. “We wish Mr. […]
Bruin Democrats Add Santa Claus To List Of White Supremacists
WESTWOOD — In a club meeting this week, Bruin Democrats at UCLA unanimously agreed to add another name to their list of white supremacists: Santa […]
UCLA Mascot Changed From Bruin To Smokey The Bear
WESTWOOD – In light of the Skirball Fire threatening the UCLA campus, Smokey the Bear has been declared the school’s mascot. “Only you can prevent […]
Ex-Boyfriend Just Checking In
WESTWOOD — Settling any rumors that either party still harbors feelings post-breakup, your ex-boyfriend is “just checking in” to let you know he has definitely […]