What Your Backpack Says About You, Including When And Where You Enjoy Your Last Breath
A student’s choice of backpack arguably decides the path they take for the rest of their miserable life. What you pick to stow your laptop […]
Life
Woman Unpleasant To Talk To Even After She’s Had Her Coffee
LOS ANGELES — Linda Caprice, a 43-year-old mother of two and proud owner of a “Don’t Talk To Me Until I’ve Had My Coffee” mug, […]
I Lived It: Guy I Told My Friends About Has Only One Instagram Post From 2018
It seemed too good to be true. And I was right. After two dates, the guy from that meet-cute dream encounter gave me his Instagram […]
BREAKING: Vegas Is Ready For Your Girls’ Trip
NEVADA – In a statement released Friday afternoon, the city of Las Vegas affirmed that it is, in fact, ready for your girls’ trip. “I’m […]
Pledge Comes Clean: ‘Hazing Made Me A Better Person’
WESTWOOD — While some may join a fraternity for camaraderie, school spirit, or alcohol, first-year Business Economics major Chad Sookmidic has disclosed that hazing is […]
Boelter Scientists Announce Creation Of Slowest Elevator Possible
WESTWOOD — During a press conference late Thursday evening, a team of scientists from Boelter Hall announced that they had created the slowest elevator possible. […]
Westwood Resident Forced To Use Candle For Non-BDSM Reasons
WESTWOOD — Due to a power outage, a Westwood resident was forced to use a candle as a light source rather than for its primary […]
Opinion: I’m Walkin’ Here
MANHATTAN — Hey! Yeah, youse over there! I’m walkin’ here! You think you’re so classy in your fancy Toyota whip, huh? Oh, did I scare […]
New Chancellor To Be Chosen On “The Chancellorette” Mondays On ABC
BURBANK — Following declining viewership, ABC announced early Monday morning that they would be creating a new chancellor-themed spinoff to the hit reality TV show […]
Jealous LA Metro To Debut Bigger, Bluer Bus
LOS ANGELES – In a move described as “childish” and an “unjustifiable use of public funds,” the LA Metro announced late Friday night it would […]