Woke Mother Performs First Successful “Straight Conversion Therapy”
WEST HOLLYWOOD — On Tuesday, local woke mother Dorothy McBeal celebrated the results of months of grueling treatment as her first and only child finally […]
Gay
Joe Bruin Bulks Up, Grows Beard For Pride Month
WESTWOOD — After undergoing twink death at the age of 99, beloved UCLA mascot Joe Bruin has now transformed into the bear he was meant […]
Top Four Ways To Come Out To Your Family So They Can’t Say No
Coming out to your family can be difficult. From telling your uncle you’re bicurious to letting your little sister know you’re transgender, you never quite […]
Ask The Enabler: Does “Bisexual” Mean You Fuck Twice A Week, Or Once Every Two Weeks?
Here at the Westwood Enabler, the closest thing UCLA has to a bisexual awareness club, we’ve been plagued by the following question: does “bisexual” mean […]
Opinion: No, I Will Not Pie You On Bruinwalk, Please Don’t Involve Me In Your Fetishes
Just the other day, I was walking to campus, my fresh, virgin eyes bright and cheery, excited to see the world and all the glory […]
Secretary of Defense Announces That Only The “Boy Lesbians” Will Be Eligible for Future Drafts
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Commenting on the draft eligibility of American women, Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth announced that only the “boy lesbians” would be eligible. […]
Opinion: The Ackerman Third Floor Gay Cruising Space Should Be A Designated Cultural Heritage Site
Dear Julio Frenk, UCLA has been under a lot of controversy lately. The encampments and the mob attack on them, the cops everywhere, deportations, budget […]
Opinion: They Should Let The New Pope Have Gay Sex Once So He Can See If It Should Still Be Banned Or Not
With the death of Pope Francis, the first “woke pope,” the cardinals will soon enter conclave to pick the newest pontifex. I liked Pope Francis. […]
Opinion: He/Him Is Gender Neutral
Hey guys. A lot of guys seem to be getting mad at me for using he/him pronouns even when referring to guys who aren’t guys. […]