Math Professor Doesn’t Know That Half Of Ten Weeks Is Five Weeks
WESTWOOD — This week, local math professor Dr. Ivil has come under fire after scheduling a midterm for Week 4, a week that is definitively […]
BPlate Announces Collab With McDonald’s To Ensure Froyo Machine Breaks More Often
WESTWOOD – In a surprise new development, BPlate has announced a partnership with the fast food chain McDonald’s to ensure that the froyo machine remains […]
Government Shutdown Finally Hits Canvas
WESTWOOD — Students everywhere awoke this morning to the modern equivalent of snow outside their windows: Canvas has been shut down due to bipartisan gridlock. […]
Consulting Clubs Consulted On What The Fuck They Actually Do
WESTWOOD — UCLA’s ten thousand consulting clubs recently came under fire when they were consulted on what their clubs really do besides pose for headshots […]
Uh Oh! Student’s Twelfth Grandparent Just Died
WESTWOOD — Last Sunday, second-year Microbiology, Immunology, and Molecular Genetics major Calvin Dozer revealed that his Step-Step-Grandpappy just died, making this the twelfth grandparent dead […]
John Wooden Center Replaces Treadmills With Giant Hamster Wheels
WESTWOOD — After months of construction, the John Wooden Center has unveiled its new cardio area, which features giant hamster wheels in place of the […]
New Business Club Interview Process Includes Fitting Camel Through Eye of Needle
WESTWOOD – After a thorough LinkedIn assessment, seven coffee chats, and a “sell me this Bible” challenge, Bruin Business Corporation Consulting Organization LLC now asks […]
Bruin Walk Sales Revealed To Be First Level Of Purgatory
BRUIN WALK — In an exclusive interview with the Enabler, prolific Bruin Walk salesperson Ven Moe disclosed today that selling wares on the well-trod pathway […]