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Month: April 2019

New Clothing Brand “Supremer” To Cater To Hyperbeasts

April 23, 2019 Carl Hatch 0

FAIRFAX DISTRICT — Last weekend, hundreds of self-proclaimed not hypebeasts, but “Hyper-Beasts,” lined up by a Melrose storefront in anticipation of new clothing brand “Supremer,” unaffiliated […]

Carl’s Jr. Grounded by Carl’s Sr.

April 23, 2019 Griffin Stout 0

NASHVILLE — Carl’s Junior announced today that it will be closing its doors for two weeks after being grounded by Carl’s Senior. “We at Carl’s […]

New Anti-Homeless Benches Just Giant Metal Spikes

April 18, 2019 Carl Hatch 0

LOS ANGELES — In response to increasing numbers of homeless people, city officials yesterday finished the first installation of their project to redesign anti-homeless benches, […]

Gene Block Mentioned 26 Times In Mueller Report For Some Reason

April 18, 2019 Jack Lyons 0

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s final report on his team’s investigation into potential links between the Trump campaign and Moscow was made public […]

De Neve Grab ‘N Go Loses Michelin Star

April 15, 2019 Jack Lyons 0

WESTWOOD — Lamenting that the dining establishment no longer holds itself to the culinary standards of innovation and excellence exalted by restaurants deemed worthy of […]

BREAKING: UCLA Entrepreneur Bought Stocks

April 15, 2019 Drew Muxlow 0

WESTWOOD — Second-year business economics major Kevin Fisher was just reported to have “moved his assets” from his savings account into stocks. “I thought Kevin […]

Jason Alco Sightings Continue

April 12, 2019 Aileen Carey 0

WESTWOOD — Over the last six months, there have been multiple sightings of what many presume to be 2018 graduate Jason Alco blending in among the […]

P: Ouch! CP: Oops, Sorry

April 11, 2019 Jay Varhula 0

Point: Ouch! By: Beauregard Ploof Ouch! My foot! How could this be? How could you have done this?? I thought you were my friend. After […]

Student’s Cries For Help Mistaken For Meme Jokes

April 11, 2019 Raphe Burstein 0

WESTWOOD — Local third year Mark Pierce has submitted several cries for help to his Facebook feed, only for each one to be mistaken for […]

BREAKING: Westwood Enabler Writers Are Going On Strike

April 10, 2019 The Westwood Enabler Editorial Board 0

To the Associated Students UCLA Communications Board, Jacob Preal, Abigail Goldman, Doria Deen and the readers of the Westwood Enabler, We, the undersigned, are writing […]

Posts pagination

« 1 2 3 »
  • Trump Gives 15-Year-Old Girl Apology Smooch

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following new revelations about his relationship with Jeffrey Epstein, who he calls “the greatest pedophile of all time,” President Donald J. Trump […]

  • Democrats Advance Key Policy Goal of Strengthening Republican Party

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — Weeks of less-than-firm resolve paid off Wednesday as Democrats forged a shutdown-ending compromise that accomplishes one of the party’s longstanding goals: strengthening […]

  • Opinion: I Will Not Apologize For My Phony Indie Stache

    dear loyal followers, i address you today not by way of reselling my shart-stained 70s denim for $650 on grailed, or the carousel post of […]

  • Opinion: Rejecting Donald Trump From Art School Was A Bad Idea

    Rejecting Donald Trump from art school wasn’t the best idea. Listen, I know that Donald Trump’s art is absolute dogshit. Watching Donald Trump try to […]

  • Opinion: Halloweekend Was For Hot Girls But Veteransdaynight Is For Us Mediocre Bitches

    UCLA is full of beautiful, talented, funny, smart, and well-rounded women. I am not one of them. And that’s okay! I can clean the hell […]

Featured Authors

Grace McIntyre
  • UCLA Opens “B-ruining Lives” Resource Center For Student Anti-Wellbeing
  • Opinion: If You A Stressed Baddie Who Procrastinated Before Canvas Went Down, This One’s For You
  • A Letter To Prospective Student Tour Groups: I’m Better Than You
Zach Fischer
  • Backpacking Club Announces Trip To Public Affairs Building
  • UCLA Administration Goes On Strike to Protest AFSCME
  • Economists Worried As Daylight Savings Runs Out

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