WESTWOOD — Early this morning, young entrepreneur Brad Bates recently pitched his complete piece of shit business idea to his Finance class and, to the shock of his classmates, appeared to be proud of it. “Brad just straight up said that he wants to buy Russian catfish on the cheap and distill them into liquor, beer and perfume. And then he grinned like a goddamn lunatic and asked if anyone wanted to be an early investor,” said Rubin Choi, a classmate of Bates. Bates went on to specify that every distillation would be livestreamed and tweeted, allowing for a “hyperdynamic social platform” that would connect users with an “interactive experience alongside the product.” After Bates’s pitch, Finance professor Malia Jeffries quickly changed the subject, moving to a lecture slide on how to craft the perfect investment pitch.
About Kushal Chatterjee 60 Articles
Kushal is a hurricane hitting a Brachiosaurus stuck in rush hour traffic. He is the harmless prank phone call that frightens your mother into moving your entire family eight counties away. He is the smell of freshly baked cookies eerily emanating from an abandoned mental asylum. He is an amazing writer and incredible talent.