WESTWOOD—Citing the effects of shadows and lighting in various sporting venues over the years, campus officials announced today that UCLA’s school colors are in fact white and gold, and not UCLA blue as it is commonly believed. “We always knew them to be so and never gave it a second thought. Hearing all this talk about ‘blue’ now, I guess people just see it differently,” said Director of Athletics Dan Guerrero, making note of the fact that the human eye tends to assume colors it already expects to be present. “No, UCLA’s colors are definitely white and gold. Anything and everything that has blue in it is a complete and utter counterfeit. All True Bruins should know this.” Mr. Guerrero then concluded his statements by revealing that USC is merely a diploma mill full of paid actors designed to give UCLA students a common enemy, and all of Southern California is actually purgatory.
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