Students Disappointed At Enormous Activities Fair’s Lack Of Enormous Activities

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UCLA students participating in an activity.
UCLA students participating in an activity.

WESTWOOD—“I’ve never felt so bitterly disappointed in my life,” said freshman Emily Offshore. Like many others, Offshore visited UCLA’s Enormous Activities Fair (EAF) to view the activities.

“But it wasn’t what I was expecting,” Offshore explained. “There were so many activities – writing, singing, math, science, even some shitty satirical newspaper. But none of them were enormous.”

Offshore is not alone in her confusion. Every year, roughly 8,000 new students enroll at UCLA and attend the EAF at the beginning of the year. The name of the festival remains a mystery, however, as most activities remain regular sized.

“We’ve just learned to accept it by now,” said fifth year Julian Applebaum, president of Students Who Ski. “We set up for it and play along, but hey, we just use regular sized skis.  We don’t know where the enormous activities are, and it’s not like there’s some other fair for us to participate in.”

As the confusion continues, students have begun to form a petition and question officials. Applebaum himself has sent several emails to various UCLA staff members, trying to find any sort of explanation for the misleading name of the activities fair.

“We’re taking this matter very seriously,” UCLA official Julie Hornby reported to the Enabler in an email. “After several minutes of Googling, I have yet to find the origins of the name of the activities fair. There is no reasonable explanation, and I think that’s just unforgivable. I will be bringing this up at the next staff meeting for sure. I’m sure everyone else will be just as concerned.”

Students interested in signing the petition should be able to find any number of student protesters on Bruinwalk with clipboards and stickers.