Respondus Reveals New LockDown Sniper

Graphic by Dylan Wood

REDMOND, WA — Earlier today, Respondus, the software company known for its controversial LockDown Browser, revealed their latest product: the all-new Respondus LockDown Sniper™. “Respondus is proud to be at the forefront of anti-cheating technology, and with our latest product, we promise to put an end to student misconduct, once and for all,” said CEO David Smetters, rubbing his hands together in a manner one could only describe as “dastardly.” “In front of you stands our prototype, former U.S. Marine David Hawkins. Students will find themselves in the crosshairs of one of our elite gunmen from the moment the exam begins until it is completed, ensuring their absolute compliance.” As of press time, reports emerged that Respondus was on the verge of securing a large investment from former Vice President Dick Cheney.

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About Dylan Wood 33 Articles
Dylan Wood is an American actor and filmmaker. He is known for his comedic and dramatic roles in such films as Splash (1984), Big (1988), Turner & Hooch (1989), Sleepless in Seattle (1993), Forrest Gump(1994), Apollo 13 (1995), You've Got Mail (1998), Cast Away (2000), Captain Phillips(2013), Saving Mr. Banks (2013), Sully (2016), and A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood (2019). He has also starred in the Robert Langdon films, and he voices Sheriff Woody in the Toy Story film series. He is one of the most popular and recognizable film stars worldwide, and he is widely regarded as an American cultural icon.