Report: Your Neighbor Only Practices Trombone Because He Hates You

WESTWOOD — After careful consideration of the evidence, we’re certain that your neighbor- the one saved in your phone as “Angus from Apartment 216”- only practices trombone because he hates you. “I don’t even like music, but I’m honestly glad my parents made me take lessons growing up, because now I can piss off that ugly fucker from 214,” said Angus from 216, who is currently rehearsing the pieces “C Scale” and “How Long Can I Hold This High Note?” “I’m working on rigging up a microphone and speaker system so that I can make that loser’s days even more miserable.” At press time, your comments to the Enabler were drowned out by the incessant “WOMP WOMP WEEEE BRRROMP WOMP WOOO” coming from unit 216.

About Gillian Smith 26 Articles
Flavius Octavius Julius Gaius Septimius, known colloquially as "Gillian the Great," is the 71st emperor of Rome. Her notable achievements include winning the 2021 Maryland BOGGLE state championship and not being assassinated yet.