WASHINGTON, DC — At a press conference held at the Republican National Committee headquarters earlier today, RNC chairman Reince Priebus jubilantly announced that he had booked a hologram of the 44th President of the United States and conservative icon Ronald Reagan to perform at the party’s nominating convention this week. “They brought Tupac back as a hologram, and we figured, why not reincarnate California’s other most prominent thug?” said Priebus, clad in baggy jeans and a shirt bearing an image of President Reagan smoking a cigar, captioned “California Love.” “We have our best speechwriters hard at work preparing a diss speech for President Reagan to deliver about Donald Trump, and we have a ton of other surprises up our sleeve, including a duet with Ted Cruz titled ‘Fuck Tha IRS.’” At press time, President Reagan’s hologram could not be reached for comment, as he still has Alzheimer’s and had already escaped from the RNC’s laboratories, running rampant around the District and frantically yelling, “TEAR DOWN THAT WALL!”
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Area Man. Freelance fraternity president. Aspiring father of two. Probable future Nobel laureate. Occasionally collude with Russia.